43 marketing jokes

43 marketing jokes

43 Of The Best SEO Jokes & Digital Marketing Jokes

Ryan Hill | 21st February 2017 Categories: Digital Marketing, Facebook, Google, SEO, Uncategorised

Working in SEO really can be an emotional rollercoaster. One minute you’re flying high because one of your clients just got another knowledge graph and the next you’re feeling low because someone’s rankings dropped and you’re going to have to figure out why. Although we think it’s really important to have a good time at work there’s one thing our team can agree on. We feel most other digital marketers will probably concur when we say that SEO and digital marketing is not synonymous with humour. At least, until now…

Jump to:

Funny SEO Videos | Funny SEO Memes | Funny SEO Jokes

UPDATE: This blog post is now Matt Cutts approved. Don’t believe us? The proof is in the Tweeting (Yes we do know how to use Photoshop and no, we haven’t used it to make this picture):

It turns out there’s a lot of SEO humour around, you’ve just got to know where to look for it (good thing we know a bit about Google, right?) So, we’ve collected some of the best SEO and digital marketing jokes around into one handy place. We’re not promising they’re all hilarious BUT if you’re in the business we can guarantee you’ll at least break a smile while scrolling through our finds.
Let’s be clear, we’re not pretending we’re the owners or creators of these pictures, memes, jokes and videos. We’ve just used our years of finely honed SEO skills to discover them so you don’t have to. So settle down and prepare to be at least mildly amused!

Funny SEO and Digital Marketing Videos

Ever feel like non-SEO’s have literally no idea what you actually do? Well, for the most part, you’re absolutely right.
Yeah, ‘normal people’ really have no idea at all.
But how can they when we’ve basically got our own language? (We used to love Pandas).
Google have put together some pretty funny videos about web user experience too. Thinking twice about implementing recommended products on your next ecommerce site now?
We all know that if you’re going to use internal site search it has to work properly, right?
This is possibly the most ludicrous of them all, but still pretty pertinent.
Finally, we don’t like taking a dig at other forms of marketing too often but this was too good not to share from Adobe.

SEO and Digital Marketing Joke Music Videos

In all honesty, when we started writing this SEO humour piece, we never imagined we’d have a category in this blog about SEO music videos but here we are. It turns out there are some pretty talented lyricists out there who also know a thing or two about SEO. Their production values may leave something to be desired but overall we can’t fault their talent. First off…
Who doesn’t love a good Jingle Bells rework?
Introducing Charles Lewis, the SEO Rapper, and his summary of Google’s algorithm updates!
And here he is with his son spitting bars about Google’s now defunct PageRank.

Don’t forget to bookmark these digital marketing joke videos for the next time you’re halfway through a disavow document and need something to break the painful, crushing monotony.

Funny SEO Memes and Pictures

You may be surprised to hear that there are more funny SEO memes out there than we could shake a stick at. We’ve chosen some of our favourites below.
If you’re an SEO but haven’t heard of (the now unfortunately inactive) SEO Ryan Gosling we suggest you hang up your white hat right now!

(Source: http://seoryangosling.tumblr.com/)
Liam Neeson hates manipulative linking techniques just as much as us.

(Source: Facebook)
Continuing with the Taken theme Matt Cutts used to hate dodgy links too. Plus, now he works at the Pentagon you can be damn sure he’ll find you.

(Source: Facebook)
Even Obama knows that blog comments don’t work anymore (so why do people insist on still building them?!)

(Source: Facebook)
The number one rule for checking rankings, use incognito!

(Source: Facebook)
An oldy but a goody. With map listings and ads now taking up more real estate than ever you’re lucky if anyone will find you towards the bottom of page one let alone page two.

(Source: Facebook)
This one’s very reminiscent of the 50 calls we get a day asking us if we need SEO even as a digital marketing agency. We don’t Lionel, but thanks for asking.

(Source: Facebook)
In all honesty, if you’re the person who paid for those links, this is far from funny…

(Source: Facebook)
Even Kanye and Jay Z know how silly this is.

(Source: Facebook)
Stay classy digital marketers.

(Source: Facebook)
Remember the heady days of 2015 when Matt Cutts appeared in a ‘public service announcement’ about great content? The internet does…

(Source: Facebook)
Here’s the video for added SEO lols:
Success Kid loves it when you move up in Google’s rankings too!


(Source: Facebook)

Digital Marketing and SEO Humour One Liners

There were a lot of SEO memes out there but there were even more SEO jokes. We’ve sorted the wheat from the chaff, the cream from the crop and the so-bad-they’re-good from the so-bad-they’re, well, bad and have left you with a list of inspired SEO one liners.
How does Google decide who to hit hardest with Penguin updates? —- Flipper Coin!
What do the Pandas like to eat? —- [Bamboo] [Bamboo Shoots] [Bamboo Leaves] [Bamboo Stems]
If fish is a Penguins’ favourite food what’s its least favourite?  —- SPAM
What does an SEO and part time chiropractor fix? —- Back links
A trampoline site got in touch —- Yet another client that has a high bounce rate
Billboards4U sent some good feedback —- Since starting SEO they’ve seen some real signs of improvement
What is a pirate’s favourite PPC metric? —- CT-Rrrrrrrrr
The England international football team got in touch —- They need more goals set up… And don’t want penalties
Why do SEOs love the farmer’s market? —- Lots of organic content
What’s a pirate’s favourite part of SEO? —- WebinARRRRRRRRSSSS
What do you call it when twins are pleased? —- Duplicate content

And here a few not so great ones:

Why is it wrong to have lots of Pandas in the same cage at the Zoo? —- It could be considered stuffing!
Why did the SEO expert cross the road? —- To get hit with traffic
What do you call an SEO expert who sells vans? —- Danny “SellAVan”
Why did Tiger Woods start studying SEO? —- To get his #1 ranking back
What room was Matt Cutts trying to find when he got lost at the SEO Conference? —- Room 404
What do you call a search engine with a bad marketing department? —- A Decision Engine
What do you call an SEO expert who praises Google? —- “Kneel” Patel
What do you call a game where touching the person makes them NOT it? —- Alt tag
What do SEO pre-schoolers have at break? —- Link juice boxes
Why do SEOs hate watery oatmeal? —- Thin content

These jokes were aggregated from Dashburst,  My Site Auditor, BrightEdge and social media so all complaints regarding their quality can be sent their way if you don’t mind.
So, there you have it. We hope you enjoyed the most exhaustive list of SEO jokes and humour available on the internet today. Of course, after recent news of Google’s changes to how their PPC ads appear, we think the biggest joke is their disregard for organic search.
Don’t forget; if you enjoyed this post why not give it a share to give your fellow SEOs and digital marketers a laugh. Plus, if you’ve got an incredible SEO meme, joke or video that the SEO world needs to know about give us a shout in the comments below or jump over to our Facebook, Twitter or Google+ pages.

Is Your SEO A Joke?

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REVENGE IN THE VILLAGE 

PART ONE

ANTONY MAINA

Growing up in a small village in the late '90s and early 2000s was an experience that felt richer and more genuine than anything the bustling cities could offer. There was an undeniable charm in the simplicity of village life. While kids in the city spent their weekends glued to TV screens, watching reruns of Tom and Jerry, or riding their bikes between friends' houses, us village kids were often lost in the cool, clear waters of local streams, swimming and playing until the sun dipped below the horizon.

I was raised in Nyeri County, nestled in the heart of central Kenya, where the rhythms of life were shaped by the land, the seasons, and the community around us. My generation witnessed the world shift in profound ways. I remember a time before computers, cell phones, and social media—and then I witnessed the first waves of technology roll in. It was a strange, exhilarating feeling to straddle two worlds: one foot planted firmly in the past, and the other stepping into the future.

Honestly, not everything about growing up in the village was idyllic. In fact, there were some harsh realities too and they were worse. I was a victim in all this.

 According to the gossips of my primary school peers, girls from my village were often ridiculed as being unattractive or unremarkable and hence drew no attention to the biggies.

 For reasons I could never quite understand, I became a frequent target for their teasing. 

Their cruel words stung, leaving me self-conscious and isolated.

 While the others laughed and judged each other, I kept to myself, too ashamed to join in, but too hurt to speak up. 

Their constant mockery chipped away at my confidence, affecting everything from my schoolwork to my sense of self-worth.

 School felt like a daily battle where I was the unwilling punchline of every joke. i was a clown and couldnt really find a comeback for some reason i cant comprehend.

But as the old saying goes, "Someday you tame the tiger, and someday the tiger has you for lunch." And just like that, the laughter at my expense was about to come to an end.

The turning point came with the arrival of Mama Rosa, a mysterious middle-aged woman with jet-black hair and she moved into an old, abandoned compound on the outskirts of our village market. The houses there had been vacant for years, and their  creaky, weathered structure echoed a silent reminder of a life long gone.

 Locals whispered about Mama Rosa's tragic past—how she had bought the house from a certain grey-haired woman who had moved away after the murder of her only son in 1992 during the KK parade.

locals always had their own theories about how the ghost of that dead son never rested and still roamed in that compound and we all had kept away from it for it was a haunted yard. i personally knew a guy who knew a guy whose cousin's friend had once encountered a strange man with very weird constumes opening the yard gate like hes been living there since forever before then vanishing into the already dark compound.

 It was said that Mama Rosa had once lived in Kitale areas and had moved here after losing her only sister in a terrible road accident that happened in salgaa areas. Consumed by loneliness and thoughts of death, people claimed she inherited all her sisters properties and had moved to look for pastures new.

But what the village didn't know was that Mama Rosa's arrival would soon change everything for me.

Her three daughters, stunningly beautiful in a way that seemed almost otherworldly, transformed the village dynamic overnight. They were so captivating that, at times, I could hardly believe they were real. Their eyes were as bright as stars, their smiles radiant enough to light up even the darkest corner of the village. With every step they took, it was as though the world around them paused in awe.

Each daughter was a vision of grace and confidence, with an allure that could make any man lose his composure. They had a magnetic beauty that seemed to embody everything I had been told I lacked—everything I had always felt was beyond my reach. And suddenly, it wasn't just their beauty that caught the village's attention. Because of them, I found myself finally being noticed, respected, and included in ways I never had before.

For the first time in a long while, I felt like I mattered.

A MARIJUANA SHUGGING MANIAC WHO TOOK THE ICT DEPARTMENT BY STORM ( a high functioning smoker?)

CAMPUS VIBES

By Mercy Ngugi (IT DEPARTMENT)

 Antony maina's story is no ordinary tale. The path he took to fulfill his academic potential was filled with self-doubt, self-destruction, and near school life ending choices. From a young age, antony was a protege and his early school teachers told him he had the potential to compete with the academic elites but he didnt believe them, his actions often contradicted this potential. His journey included illegal marijuana smoking and peddling, hanging out with gangs that almost led him to jail time and alot more. Tony himself admitted that his antics would have impressed even Maina Njenga, the former mungiki leader. Despite these setbacks, tony eventually turned his life around. After the demise of his dad in 2023, despite his continuation of a problematic lifestyle, tony began to make his mark. By 2024, he had become a nightmare to top students in the institution, putting historic grades in CCNA exams, and outshining elites like frankline njenga, alice wanjiku, and jennifer wambui to a point in terms of class grades he was like a God. His rise was remarkable, considering he hadn’t been a product of a top elite family but lived with his single mom and a brother. Tony's early struggles included dropping out of gretsa University, which deeply impacted his self-worth. He briefly quit everything that he previously adored, returning only to hustle in his home village, before his talents were recognized at local level where he would solve any phone problem that seemed like a nightmare to the locals. Despite his prolific problem solving skills, deeper issues lingered, such as domestic violence where they would go for monthswithout communicating with his other family members despite living in the same compound, exposure to manipulative neighbors etc. A lifeline came from a well wisher whom he prefers to keep anonymous, and thats where tony’s dedication to computers began to truly shape his future. His move to enroll in ict level 6 at 25 further showcased his potential, leading me to take a chance on him as a class teacher, despite a rough start at the school. His lifestyle choices nearly derailed his studies until personal crises and the promises he'd made to his family at home started to haunt him. tony’s transformation was reflected on the scoreboard where it mattered. His record-breaking streak of 5 masteries at his first trial was pivotal for his confidence, disproving doubters and making life worthy living again. His rise from a village shamba boy to an ict mastery material encapsulates a story of redemption, underscoring a career defined by overcoming adversity and proving critics wrong at every turn. tonys arrival at NNP, although not as extensive as his previous success at Gretsa university, still highlights his ability to perfom under massive pressure. Despite the lack of funds and proper diet after quiting Gretsa, tony’s impact was decisive, showcasing his innate ability to perform under pressure. His story remains a testament to resilience, talent, and the power of redemption in academics.

flashback friday........

                       by tony maina

One day, my friend Kanyi and I went out to grab one and two beers in some dingy Pub in Kasarani. Kanyi had just received his payment from an academic writing account, and he thought we should hit the road and have some booze.

He littered our table with lots of beers. At the next table, there was a burly man wearing shorts and open shoes. He was rugged. Next to him was a very petite girl, and very beautiful.

On their table, they were taking cheap keg, AKA Jug Daniels. It was easy to observe that the lady did not enjoy taking Keg, like the built guy. I suspected she was only there because the man had abs, which he was flaunting, and probably he was good at sex. Kanyi kept on wondering what the lady saw in the man. He believed that such a refined lady belonged to our table, where we took Heineken.

She was well-dressed. She was well-manicured and easy on the eyes. There was an elegance about her aura and poise that gave her an out-of-place demeanor. She just didn’t seem like the type of girl to ravel at a dingy pub somewhere in Hantus, Kasarani, and especially not in the company of the man.

The more we took our Heineken, the more I realized that Kanyi was checking out the lady. At one point, I saw him lift his hand to sermon the waiteress.

We still had around three bottles on out table. I assumed he was probably calling for Nyama Choma. He whispered something into the ears of the waitress, with his hands resting above her waist. The waitress left for the counter. A minute later, I saw her emerge from the counter with a bottle of the real Jack Daniel's and two whisky glasses dancing on the tray.

She took the alcohol to their table. She placed the bottle on the lady’s side. Outrightly, the man became uneasy. He started looking around and asking the waitress questions. The waitress paused, stood and pointed her finger at our table.

Immediately, without wasting time, without further ado, I rose to my feet, excused myself and walked towards the washroom. On my way, I said, 'shida ya kunywa beer ni kukojoajoa kila saa.' I left Kanyi while he was lifting his glass in the air to salute the lady and exchange cheers. When I came back, it was Kanyi who was being lifted in the air by the burly guy.

I stood at the door of the washroom and there and then, I felt pressed again despite having just relieved myself a minute earlier. You can’t blame me, it was the work of the 6 Heineken beers that I had taken. When I came back from the washroom for the second time, the burly man was being bundled out of the pub by two bouncers. Still, he was fighting to break free to inflict more pain on Kanyi’s head.

The lady was trying to calm him down. Eventually, she managed to, and they walked out of the pub. Meanwhile, only then did I walk back to our table with a bucket full of ‘kwani what has happened bro?’ questions. Kanyi was quiet. He was nursing his pain.

I opened the bottle of the Jack Daniel's and half-filled one of the glasses, and said, ‘that guy is a coward. Why did he have to wait until I excused myself to use the washroom before attacking you?Ningemuona vita, my guy. You know I got your back, my guy. That guy is a coward. He had to run away before I came back."

That was the end of Kanyi and alcohol. There is an annoying habit that is currently cropping up among raveling men. A habit where a man, perhaps loaded, buys your girl alcohol in your presence. It is very demeaning. It kills the ego and pride of the man who is in the company of the lady.

THE BOY WHO LIVED

BY ANTONY MAINA

My teenage libido almost caused my demise. I had an insatiable thirst for slipping in and out of the wetness of village babe’s wells. One fateful high school holiday, my babe and I agreed that I was going to sneak her out of her home for our usual night of pleasure in my thingira.

My babe had a mother who slept, and her life depended on sleeping. Once she was asleep, even if you vigorously shook her, and screamed in her ears, you were never waking her up. She was a heavy sleeper. The only sound her sleep respected was the crowing of the roasters in the morning.

Sarah, as usual, texted me that her mother was asleep. I braved the darkness to pick her. Not only that, my village was going through an unprecedented insecurity time. There was a spate of home break-ins targeting people’s cattle. The area chief had warned everyone to stay indoors past 10 PM to aid the police in nabbing the criminals.

On the stroke of 10 PM, Sarah texted me that it was time to pick her up for the strokes. I whistled my way to her home. Sarah’s home sat on a two-acre piece of land. If you were raised in the village, you will agree with me that village people love having large compounds. Sarah slept in a grass-thatched house, one hundred meters from the gate. Her house was sandwiched between her parent’s home, and her brother’s cubical. On the other end of the compound was a cowshed with around ten cows.

I made my way into the home, boldly, and stealthily walked toward Sarah’s house. I had done this multiple times with success. On that day, Lady Luck abandoned me. When I was in the middle of the compound, a woman screamed, “muici, muici!” She screamed that her home had been invaded by thieves.

Suddenly, four young men vroomed from the cowshed at an alarming speed. They sneaked through the gate and disappeared into the yonder darkness. All the while, I was still unsure of what was happening. I was confused and unsure of the next course of action. I was not prepared for what was happening.

People stormed out of their homes and houses and stormed into their homestead. I was grounded, trembling and scared. My legs were heavy. Everything was happening so quickly. One second, I was carrying an erection heading to smash a babe, the next second, people were running towards me while carrying clubs to smash me.

“Who are you?” They cornered me.

Before I announced that I was the grandson of kingori wa thuita and wanja wa kingori, somebody slapped me. I was beaten to a pulp. I was beaten indiscriminately by the angry mob. I was accused of having been among the thieves who had attempted to steal the cows from the homestead.

They did not allow me to speak. Then my savior appeared. Sarah could not stand it anymore. She walked into the center of the group and asked them to stop assaulting me. “He was not part of the thieves,” she said.

Her elder brother shoved her away. He claimed that her antics were inspired by mercy. She forced her way back into the center, pulled out her phone, and showed them our texts. Still, they did not want to believe her. They were planning to fetch paraffin and an old car tire when I reached into my pocket and pulled out a packet of condoms.

Sarah was mad that her brother was assaulting me the hardest. She picked up the packet of condoms from my hands, held it high, and said, “You see, he was here to pick me for a night of lungula. I will not watch you kill my boyfriend while you have left the real thieves to disappear into the thickness of the darkness.” I felt proud watching her stand up for me. All I was thinking at that was to take her home and have my club disappear into the thickness of her thighs.

I was saved by Sarah’s boldness. My life was protected by the presence of the condoms in my pocket.

Need For Speed Most Wanted Mod Apk Obb Download

antony maina October 20, 2023

63

Download Need For Speed – Most Wanted 1.3.128 Mod Apk Obb with unlimited money and SP points for all Android device.

Enjoy the intense collision effects that comes with one of the most popular racing games on mobile Android.

what makes this collision effects to be better is because of the new gaming Physics incorporated into Most Wanted version of Need For Speed.

Car crashes now look more realistic during game play with broken windscreens, scratching of each vehicle during hot chase with the police and car bumper being removed thereby causing damage to slow you down.

[appbox googleplay com.ea.games.nfs13_row]

In this mod version of Need For Speed: Most Wanted, all vehicles have been unlocked including events. You can select different vehicles such as Ford, Lamborghini, Porsche, Benz, hummer and many more, as you make progress in the game, accumulating more SP points, more cars will be unlocked.

You can also repaint your car to the best color that suits you, game modes in Need For Speed: Most Wanted includes Championship in which you are to become the first person to win and you will be rewarded with a huge prize such has money and SP Points.

Time-lap mode, you are to race with your car as fast as possible to finish in a short period of time, that’s the higher the time left, the higher your chance of becoming the first person to win the race.

Apk Mod ( Extract and Install)

 Need For Speed: Most Wanted Apk Mod 1.3.128 Rar (19 MB)   

Obb File 

 Obb File Need For Speed: Most Wanted (550 MB) 

How To Install Need For Speed: Most Wanted

Follow the steps below to install need for Speed: Most Wanted Apk and Obb file on your Android device:

1. Download Zarchiver Pro Apk to extract Obb file.
2. Using Zarchiver Pro, click on the obb file you save to your device and extract into Android/Obb folder.
3. Install Need For Speed: Most Wanted Apk Mod or Original file which ever you choose to install and open it to start playing.

Watch Installation Video

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=aphcWpaFRcQ&t=5s

What is the Deep and Dark Web?

by Antony Maina

Dark web definition

The dark web is a hidden part of the internet not indexed by regular search engines, accessed through specialized browsers like Tor. It hosts both legal and illegal activities, offering anonymity but also posing risks like scams and illicit content.

What is the dark web, deep web, and surface web?

The Internet is sizable with millions of web pages, databases, and servers all run 24 hours a day. But the so-called "visible" Internet (aka surface web or open web) — sites that can be found using search engines like Google and Yahoo — is just the tip of the iceberg.

There are several terms surrounding the non-visible Web, but it's worth knowing how they differ if you're planning to browse off the beaten path.

The surface web or open web

The open web, or surface web, is the “visible” surface layer. If we continue to visualize the entire web like an iceberg, the open web would be the top portion that’s above the water. From a statistical standpoint, this collective of websites and data makes up under 5% of the total internet.

All commonly public-facing websites accessed via traditional browsers like Google Chrome, Internet Explorer, and Firefox are contained here. Websites are usually labeled with registry operators like “.com” and “.org” and can be easily located with popular search engines.

Locating surface web websites is possible because search engines can index the web via visible links (a process called “crawling” due to the search engine traveling the web like a spider).

The deep web

The deep web rests below the surface and accounts for approximately 90% of all websites. This would be the part of an iceberg beneath the water, much larger than the surface web. In fact, this hidden web is so large that it's impossible to discover exactly how many pages or websites are active at any one time.

Carrying on with the analogy, big search engines could be considered like fishing boats that can only "catch" websites close to the surface. Everything else, from academic journals to private databases and more illicit content, is out of reach. This deep web also includes the portion that we know as the dark web.

While many news outlets use "deep web" and "dark web" interchangeably, much of the deep portion as a whole is perfectly legal and safe. Some of the largest parts of the deep web include:

• Databases: both public and privately protected file collections that are not connected to other areas of the web, only to be searched within the database itself.
• Intranets: internal networks for enterprises, governments, and educational facilities used to communicate and control aspects privately within their organizations.

In case you’re wondering how to access the deep web, chances are you already use it daily. The term "deep web" refers to all web pages that that are unidentifiable by search engines. Deep web sites may be concealed behind passwords or other security walls, while others simply tell search engines to not “crawl” them. Without visible links, these pages are more hidden for various reasons.

On the larger deep web, its “hidden” content is generally cleaner and safer. Everything from blog posts in-review and pending web page redesigns, to the pages you access when you bank online, are part of the deep web. Furthermore, these pose no threat to your computer or safety at large. Most of these pages are kept hidden from the open web to protect user information and privacy, such as:

• Financial accounts like banking and retirement
• Email and social messaging accounts
• Private enterprise databases
• HIPPA sensitive information like medical documentation
• Legal files

Venturing further into the deep web does bring a bit more danger to the light. For some users, portions of the deep web offer the opportunity to bypass local restrictions and access TV or movie services that may not be available in their local areas. Others go somewhat deeper to download pirated music or steal movies that aren't yet in theaters.

At the dark end of the web, you’ll find the more hazardous content and activity. Tor websites are located at this far end of the deep web, which are deemed the “dark web” and are only accessible by an anonymous browser.

Deep web safety is more relevant to the average internet user than dark web safety, as you could end up in dangerous areas by accident: many portions of the deep web can still be accessed in normal internet browsers. This is how users can travel through enough tangential pathways and end up on a piracy site, a politically radical forum, or viewing disturbingly violent content.

The dark web

The dark web refers to sites that are not indexed and only accessible via specialized web browsers. Significantly smaller than the tiny surface web, the dark web is considered a part of the deep web. Using our ocean and iceberg visual, the dark web would be the bottom tip of the submerged iceberg.

The dark web, however, is a very concealed portion of the deep web that few will ever interact with or even see. In other words, the deep web covers everything under the surface that's still accessible with the right software, including the dark web.

Breaking down the construction of the dark web reveals a few key layers that make it an anonymous haven:

• No webpage indexing by surface web search engines. Google and other popular search tools cannot discover or display results for pages within the dark web.
• “Virtual traffic tunnels” via a randomized network infrastructure.
• Inaccessible by traditional browsers due to its unique registry operator. Also, it's further hidden by various network security measures like firewalls and encryption.

The reputation of the dark web has often been linked to criminal intent or illegal content, and "trading" sites where users can purchase illicit goods or services. However, legal parties have made use of this framework as well.

When it comes to dark web safety, the deep web dangers are very different from dark web dangers. Illegal cyber activity cannot necessarily be stumbled upon easily but tends to be much more extreme and threatening if you do seek it out. Before we unpack the dark web’s threats, let’s explore how and why users access these sites.

How to access the dark web

The dark web was once the province of hackers, law enforcement officers, and cybercriminals. However, new technology like encryption and the anonymization browser software, Tor, now makes it possible for anyone to dive dark if they're interested.

Tor (“The Onion Routing” project) network browser provides users access to visit websites with the “. onion” registry operator. This browser is a service originally developed in the latter part of the 1990s by the United States Naval Research Laboratory.

Understanding that the nature of the internet meant a lack of privacy, an early version of Tor was created to hide spy communications. Eventually, the framework was repurposed and has since been made public in the form of the browser we know today. Anyone can download it free of charge.

Think of Tor as a web browser like Google Chrome or Firefox. Notably, instead of taking the most direct route between your computer and the deep parts of the web, the Tor browser uses a random path of encrypted servers known as "nodes." This allows users to connect to the deep web without fear of their actions being tracked or their browser history being exposed.

Sites on the deep web also use Tor (or similar software such as I2P, the “Invisible Internet Project”) to remain anonymous, meaning you won't be able to find out who's running them or where they're being hosted.

Is it illegal to go on the dark web?

Simply put, no it is not illegal to access the dark web. In fact, some uses are perfectly legal and support the value of the “dark web.” On the dark web, users can seek out three clear benefits from its use:

• User anonymity
• Virtually untraceable services and sites
• Ability to take illegal actions for both users and providers

As such, the dark web has attracted many parties who would otherwise be endangered by revealing their identities online. Abuse and persecution victims, whistleblowers, and political dissidents have been frequent users of these hidden sites. But of course, these benefits can be easily extended to those that want to act outside of the constraints of laws in other explicitly illegal ways.

When viewed through this lens, the dark web’s legality is based on how you as a user engage with it. You might fall to the wayside of legal lines for many reasons that are important for the protection of freedom. Others may act in ways that are illegal for the protection and safety of others. Let’s unpack both of these concepts in terms of the “dark web browser” and the websites themselves.

Is Tor illegal to use?

On the software end, the use of Tor and other anonymized browsers is not strictly illegal. In fact, these supposed “dark web” browsers are not tethered exclusively to this portion of the internet. Many users now leverage Tor to browse both the public Internet and the deeper parts of the web privately.

The privacy offered by the Tor browser is important in the current digital age. Corporations and governing bodies alike currently participate in unauthorized surveillance of online activity. Some simply don't want government agencies or even Internet Service Providers (ISPs) to know what they're looking at online, while others have little choice. Users in countries with strict access and user laws are often prevented from accessing even public sites unless they use Tor clients and virtual private networks (VPNs).

However, you can still take illegal actions within Tor that could incriminate you regardless of the browser’s legality. You could easily use Tor in an attempt to pirate copyrighted content from the deep web, share illegal pornography, or engage in cyber terrorism. Using a legal browser will not make your actions fall to the right side of the law.

Are sites on the dark web illegal to use and visit?

On the network end, the dark web is a bit more of a grey area. The use of the dark web usually means that you are attempting to engage in activity that you could not otherwise carry out in the public eye.

For government critics and other outspoken advocates, they may fear backlash if their real identities were discovered. For those who have endured harm at the hands of others, they may not want their attackers to discover their conversations about the event. If an activity is deemed illegal by the governing bodies you fall under, then it would be illegal.

That said, anonymity comes with a dark side since criminals and malicious hackers also prefer to operate in the shadows. For example, cyberattacks and trafficking are activities that the participants know will be incriminating. They take these actions to the dark web to hide for this reason.

Ultimately, simply browsing these spaces is not illegal but can be an issue for you. While it is not illegal as a whole, unsavory activity does live in many parts of the dark web. It can expose you to unnecessary risks if you are not careful or an advanced, computer savvy user aware of its threats. So, what is the dark web used for when it’s used for illegal activity?

 

Types of threats on the dark web

If you’re considering using the dark web for basic privacy purposes you might still question, “Is dark web dangerous to use?” Unfortunately, it very much can be a dangerous place to be. Below are some common threats you may face during your browsing experiences:

Malicious software

Malicious software — i.e. malware — is fully alive all across the dark web. It is often offered in some portals to give threat actors the tools for cyberattacks. However, it also lingers all across the dark web to infect unsuspecting users just like it does on the rest of the web.

The dark web doesn’t carry as many of the social contracts that website providers follow to protect users on the rest of the web. As such, users can find themselves regularly exposed to some types of malware like:

• Keyloggers
• Botnet malware
• Ransomware
• Phishing malware

If you choose to pursue exploring any sites on the dark web, you put yourself at risk of being singled out and targeted for hacks and more. Most malware infections can be caught by your endpoint security programs.

The threats of online browsing can extend into the unplugged world if your computer or network connection can be exploited. Anonymity is powerful with Tor and the framework of the dark web, but it is not infallible. Any online activity can carry breadcrumbs to your identity if someone digs far enough.

Government monitoring

With many Tor-based sites being overtaken by police authorities across the globe, there is a clear danger of becoming government target for simply visiting a dark website.

Illegal drug marketplaces like the Silk Road have been hijacked for police surveillance in the past. By utilizing custom software to infiltrate and analyze activity, this has allowed law officials to discover user identities of patrons and bystanders alike. Even if you never make a purchase, you could be watched and incriminate yourself for other activities later in life.

Infiltrations can put you at risk of monitoring for other types of activity as well. Evading government restrictions to explore new political ideologies can be an imprisonable offense in some countries. China uses what is known as the “Great Firewall” limit access to popular sites for this exact reason. The risk of being a visitor to this content could lead to being placed on a watchlist or immediate targeting for a jail sentence.

Scams

Some alleged services like the professional “hitmen” may just be scams designed to profit from willing customers. Reports have suggested the dark web offers many illegal services, from paid assassinations to trafficking for sex and weapons.

Some of these are well-known, established threats that circulate in this nook of the web. However, others may be taking advantage of the dark web’s reputation to trick users out of large sums of money. Also, some users on the dark web may attempt phishing scams to steal your identity or personal information for extortion.

End user protection against exploitation by the dark web

Regardless of being a business, parent, or any other user of the web, you’ll want to take precautions to keep your information and private life off the dark web.

Identity theft monitoring is critical if you want to keep your private information from being misused. All types of personal data can be distributed online for a profit. Passwords, physical addresses, bank account numbers, and social security numbers circulate in the dark web all the time. You may already be aware that malicious actors can use these to harm your credit, engage in financial theft, and breach of your other online accounts. Leaks of personal data can also lead to damage to your reputation via social fraud.

Antimalware and antivirus protections are equally crucial to prevent malicious actors from exploiting you. The dark web is filled with information theft from malware-infected users. Attackers can use tools like keyloggers to gather your data, and they can infiltrate your system on any part of the web. Endpoint security programs like Kaspersky Security Cloud are comprehensive to cover both identity monitoring and antivirus defenses.

How to access the dark web safely

If you have a legitimate or viable need to access the dark web, you’ll want to make sure you stay safe if you decide to use it.

7 Tips for safe access to the dark web

1. Trust your intuition. To avoid being scammed, you’ll want to protect yourself with smart behavior on the web. Not everyone is who they seem. Staying safe requires that you watch who you talk to and where you visit. You should always take action to remove yourself from a situation if something doesn’t feel right.
2. Detach your online persona from real life. Your username, email address, “real name,” password, and even your credit card should never be used anywhere else in your life. Create brand-new throwaway accounts and identifiers for yourself if necessary. Acquire prepaid, unidentifiable debit cards before making any purchases. Do not use anything that could be used to identify you — whether online or in real life.
3. Employ active monitoring of identify and financial theft. Many online security services now offer identity protection for your safety. Be sure to take advantage of these tools if they are made available to you.
4. Explicitly avoid dark web file downloads. Fear of malware infection is significantly higher in the lawless territory that is the dark web. Real-time file scanning from an antivirus program can help you check any incoming files in case you do opt to download.
5. Disable ActiveX and Java in any available network settings. These frameworks are notorious for being probed and exploited by malicious parties. Since you are traveling through a network filled with said threats, you’ll want to avoid this risk.
6. Use a secondary non-admin local user account for all daily activities. The native account on most computers will have full administrative permissions by default. Most malware must take advantage of this to execute its functions. As such, you can slow or halt the progress of exploitation by limiting the account in-use to strict privileges.
7. Always restrict access to your Tor-enableddevice. Protect your children or other family members so they aren't at risk of stumbling across something no one should ever see. Visit the Deep Web if you're interested, but don't let kids anywhere near it.