One day, I sent a girl in our girl school a love letter. Our girl school was only a fence away from our school. Unfortunately, out of excitement, she opened the letter in her classroom to read in the presence of her friends. A teacher walked into her classroom and caught her reading the letter while her friends cheered on her. The letter was confiscated. It was traced back to me.

I was summoned to the staff room, whooped, and handed a two weeks suspension.

Along the way, while traveling back home, I was scared, nervous, and apprehensive of what was to befall me if I landed home to serve a suspension. Despite being very accommodating and friendly, my aunt was a disciplinarian when it mattered. She never hesitated to flog my bum if I was engaged in mischief.

She was surprised to see me back home barely two weeks after leaving home after half-term.

‘What is it again? School fees?’ she asked.

‘No,’ I responded. I was unsure of how to break the news to her. She had a temper when she needed to be. When her temper broke loose, she was capable of anything, including dismantling one’s dental formula. For this reason, I stood as far away from her while breaking the news.

‘What is it, then?’ She repeated.

‘I have been sent home.’

‘I can clearly see that. But for what reason?’ She insisted.

‘I have been suspended,’ I said calmly. I was trembling.

‘You have been suspended again? Do you ever learn? What is wrong with you kid?’ She raised her voice. The anger in her voice was mounting. Right away, I knew that was going to be a flogging day. She started walking towards me with the finger of her hands trembling. That was the venom of her anger that used to make her hands shake. She always shook her hands when she was about to slap me.

‘Why were you suspended?’ She asked, an inch closer to me, and visibly ready to slap my face.

‘For writing a girl a letter,’ I replied.

She stopped in her stride suddenly before she could have stroked the demons out of my face. She froze and turned to face the other direction where I couldn’t see her face. When she turned to face me, there was a silly smile on her face. The smile was confusing because a second earlier, she was angry and ready to slash my face into two.

‘Is she beautiful?’ She asked. I was more confused.

I nodded my head, ‘yeah.’

‘Do you love her?’

‘Yes,’ I said.

‘Does she love you back?’

‘Yes, she does.’ I said, gaining courage eventually.

‘Then go and change your clothes. That was not reason enough to suspend you.’ I was very happy. I was relieved. We spent much of that suspension period talking about sex; Are you already sexually active? Are you using protection? Are you careful? She asked all kinds of questions about my sex life and all the nitty-gritty of sex education.

After two weeks, she accompanied me back to school. I was supposed to face the disciplinary committee consisting of my class teacher, the deputy principal, and other members of the school’s disciplinary committee.

When we stepped into the office, all eyes turned to my aunt. The way she was dressed, her youthfulness etc etc.

‘Mum, your nephew is not taking his education seriously. He spends time thinking about girls all the time instead of concentrating on what brought him to school. He wastes the money you pay as school fees. I want him to read the letter himself. I want you to learn what your nephew does in class while serious students are studying in class.’

The deputy reached one of the drawers of his office desk and pulled out a file. He pulled out the letter, written on a decorated writing pad and still bearing the perfume I had sprayed on it before sending it to my madam.

He handed me the letter. ‘Read it to your aunt. She needs to know what you do in class instead of studying.’ There was a seriousness in the DP’s face that was scary.

There was dead silence in the room as I fumbled to read the letter. Everyone’s eyes were on me. This made me more nervous and shaky. Before reading the letter, I looked at my aunt’s face. There was some rare calmness on it.

I cleared my voice and read,

‘Walapaz Clara.

I hope this letter finds you with the same beautiful face that I last saw during the drama festivals. Since that day, I haven’t stopped thinking about you. I have not slept because I spend the nights staring at the stars, hoping to see your star. If you look at the sky tonight, the brightest of the stars will be me staring down at you. Please wave at me…’ My aunt coughed at that moment.

‘Sorry,’ she apologized. She reached for her purse to retrieve a handkerchief. She wiped her eyes. I watched my aunt and right away I knew she was fighting laughter. Probably she found my letter to be hilarious or something. The cough was an indication of the battles within her mouth.

‘Go on,’ the DP said.

‘I have not eaten since I last met you because the only hunger that I feel in my body is caused by the longingness to meet you again.’ At that point, at that specific vibe, my aunt had no choice but to burst out into a pearl of laughter. She is the kind of person who has naturally long waves of laughter, like Gidi and Ghost. She doesn’t hold back when laughing.

My teachers were stunned. They wanted the matter treated with the seriousness that it deserved, while my aunt turned it into a frivolous moment. That infuriated them more.

Her laughter was efficacious in making me laugh as well. I placed my hands on my mouth, faced away from the teachers, and fought the laughter. I did not want to anger them, for I knew this would have made them increase the intensity of the punishment that awaited me. I stopped laughing immediately.

‘Mum, we are asking you to treat this matter with the seriousness that it deserves. Your son has been reported to be sleeping in class during class lessons. Teachers are complaining that he sleeps a lot while they are teaching. Now I understand why. Because while others are sleeping during the night, he stays awake staring at the stars. Your nephew must be punished to stop this habit.’ My class teacher said in abid to restore sanity in the room.

‘I am sorry for my behavior. I agree with you. He must be punished before these habits persist.’ My aunt said after wiping the tears from her eyes, tears caused by the laughter. I was punished. I was whooped properly.

After the punishment, I was sent out of the room to allow other students to face the committee. While I was alone with my aunt, she resumed her laughter. ‘Dude, that vibe was strong. Ati, you haven’t eaten because the only hunger that you feel is caused by the longiness to meet her? Who says that to a girl?’ Bro, aren’t you the one who cleared my fridge the other day? Now you are lying to a girl that you don’t feed because of her?’ We started laughing again.

‘And your class teacher believes that you are sleeping in class because you spent your nights staring at the stars to locate your girl’s star?’ She laughed again. ‘You must stop sleeping in class, though, right?’

‘Sure. I will stop.’

‘Next time, tell your girl to read the letters from her dormitory. That is what we used to do. The risk of being caught reading a love letter in the dorm is less than when one reads in class.’ She advised, gave me pocket money, and left.

The next term, I was suspended again for a more serious mistake. The DP was very particular when writing the suspension letter. ‘Your son must be accompanied back to school by a more serious guardian to face the disciplinary committee after 2 weeks. The committee will not listen to his case if he reports to school with a guardian that is not serious about your son’s discipline.’