Chelsea Handler: Guys With One Ball
I love how people talk about one ball like
it's a bad thing. It's like, we've all seen them, ladies. The less balls
the better. How about no balls?
Friday, October 13
I had a 347 on my kcpe.
I got a 64 on my kcse
And I had a pretty good GPA from campus.
I thought I had my life mapped out.
But then I remembered
what my Nonlinear Equations professor
once told me,
"Always account for variable change."
I let down my good friends.
But as it turns out,
they weren't too bad at simple math either.
I scored the prettiest girl in school.
I got beaten down
by an old thika ghettoh thug
who was having trouble
accepting his retirement.
But I worked out a deal with him
that got him a nice pension.
And I lied to my mother.
But I confessed the lie,
and, well, she still loved me.
So my senior year of college,
I joined this team.
And I learned this new skill.
I went to Nairobi 17 times to use it.
I made hundreds of thousands of dollars
counting cards.
And then I had it all stolen from me.
Twice.
i am a survivor.
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